Black Hole

Life sucks without you

It is a black hole that rejects the stars

A vortex that spits

Life sucks without you blessing me with kisses

Heralding me with compliments

Without your soothing reflections

Life sucks without you there

Without your gestures of care

On The Edge

I feel like I am standing on the edge.

Like that cliff in Guatemala.

When I dared to jump,

I got a running start,

I began to leap,

then I held back.

It's like that with you.

We have a running start,

getting so close,

then freeze, pull back,

rewind.

You make me feel

like I am throwing myself,

just me, you, and gravity,

into the water,

into the waves,

into an experience.

So why can't I just leap?

Why can't I make it over the hump?

It's time to jump,

I am ready to leave the edge,

fall into you.

I can't say

You ask
But I can't tell.

I don't know.
I am not aware.

You don't know me well enough
But how well do I know myself?

At least here,
now,
with you.

How can I be a director,
a master,
a commander,
when I don't know,
when I haven't felt?

Show me?
Teach me?
Help me feel?

Holding Back

Why
do
I
hold back?

Why
do
I
not let
myself
feel?

Why
do
I
hold up
a shield?

From
what
am I
protecting
myself?
Or someone else?

Is it loss?
Is it risk?
Is it fear?
Is it the experience?

Is it a redefinition of myself?
Is it a redefinition of someone else?
Is it including myself in someone else's self definition?
Is it including someone else in my self definition?

What is guiding me?
What is redirecting me?
If I can't define it, why do I feel it?

Why do I hold back?

Feels good, but is it right?

July 10, 2010

It feels good, but is it right?

What is the exchange, is it balanced?
Is it mental,
emotional,
visceral,
spiritual?

What will come out of it?
It is experience.
It is feeling
It is passion
It is fear.

Is it to be forgotten?
Is it to be remembered and shelved?

Should it make me angry?
Should it make me confused?
Should it make me guilty?

Should I dream?
Should I think?
Should I feel?
Should I speak?

There's nothing like the time, during the song.
The chorus, under the stars
The hand in hand,
back to front,
lips on cheek,
heart on heart.

The lyrics pulsing,
reverberating,
streaming through blood.
Blood of passion,
blood of desire,
blood of confusion,
blood of love?

From verse to verse,
minds wander,
hands trail,
hearts beat.

But back to reality
what does it mean?
It is time threatened.
Is it cut short?
What could it be?
Could it be more?

It feels good, but is it right?

December Memories

I went home to St. Petersburg, FL a couple of weeks this summer.

I visited a friend from high school and he introduced me to the work of Michel Gondry.

http://www.michelgondry.com/

Michel Gondry is a French director--ie Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind; a director of music videos by Bjork.

Michel Gondry is genious!

Discussions with Gretchen

May 1, 2009

Today, Gretchen (my boss, PhD anthro) gave me a ton of great advice...

-Connect with Domenic Vitiello

-RE: AUNI Evaluation

   - Quantity (number of schools AUNI operates in) vs Quality (making firm connections in a limited       number of schools); how well are you serving your students? 

   - Systemic Inequality (of opportunities)

   - Michael Appel 

   - AUNI is limited by organizational capacity: permission from school, staffing, resources (

-Neoliberalism: 

   - David Harvey 

   - critiques of neoliberalism? 

   - 

-Privatizing Education

   - look at outsourcing of nutrition education in Philadelphia

   - 

-Goode & Maskovsky

   - ethnography of power, poverty, politics

-Empowerment 

   - is it 1) meaningful? 

   - is it 2) couched in neoliberalism: 

       -does it put change in hands of individual?

       -does it make meaning and change part of the discussion? 

   - does it just give info and say, bea agents of change

   - or does it do something to help change the system to be agents of change; help people use             their knowledge

   - there is this disconnect between theory and process! 

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Disussion with Corey (in context of organizational capacity)

-Distributive Leadership (impossible without principal as a leader)

-Learning to Learn 

-A good survey, Garret Morgan, Images of Organization