Hospice medical care for dying patients: newyorker.com

Hospice medical care for dying patients: newyorker.com

Battle

I debate if I should tell you.

If I should let you know how I feel

Or if I should forget

Let the memory slip away

Let the self reformation just become part of me

I debate if I should tell you.

If I should draft it in word

You meant something to me

Did I mean anything to you

Did I jump alone?
Did you come with me?

If I jump again

Will you be there

Waiting

Alone

Waiting

With passion

Waiting

With only distance?

Black Hole

Life sucks without you

It is a black hole that rejects the stars

A vortex that spits

Life sucks without you blessing me with kisses

Heralding me with compliments

Without your soothing reflections

Life sucks without you there

Without your gestures of care

On The Edge

I feel like I am standing on the edge.

Like that cliff in Guatemala.

When I dared to jump,

I got a running start,

I began to leap,

then I held back.

It's like that with you.

We have a running start,

getting so close,

then freeze, pull back,

rewind.

You make me feel

like I am throwing myself,

just me, you, and gravity,

into the water,

into the waves,

into an experience.

So why can't I just leap?

Why can't I make it over the hump?

It's time to jump,

I am ready to leave the edge,

fall into you.

I can't say

You ask
But I can't tell.

I don't know.
I am not aware.

You don't know me well enough
But how well do I know myself?

At least here,
now,
with you.

How can I be a director,
a master,
a commander,
when I don't know,
when I haven't felt?

Show me?
Teach me?
Help me feel?

Holding Back

Why
do
I
hold back?

Why
do
I
not let
myself
feel?

Why
do
I
hold up
a shield?

From
what
am I
protecting
myself?
Or someone else?

Is it loss?
Is it risk?
Is it fear?
Is it the experience?

Is it a redefinition of myself?
Is it a redefinition of someone else?
Is it including myself in someone else's self definition?
Is it including someone else in my self definition?

What is guiding me?
What is redirecting me?
If I can't define it, why do I feel it?

Why do I hold back?

Feels good, but is it right?

July 10, 2010

It feels good, but is it right?

What is the exchange, is it balanced?
Is it mental,
emotional,
visceral,
spiritual?

What will come out of it?
It is experience.
It is feeling
It is passion
It is fear.

Is it to be forgotten?
Is it to be remembered and shelved?

Should it make me angry?
Should it make me confused?
Should it make me guilty?

Should I dream?
Should I think?
Should I feel?
Should I speak?

There's nothing like the time, during the song.
The chorus, under the stars
The hand in hand,
back to front,
lips on cheek,
heart on heart.

The lyrics pulsing,
reverberating,
streaming through blood.
Blood of passion,
blood of desire,
blood of confusion,
blood of love?

From verse to verse,
minds wander,
hands trail,
hearts beat.

But back to reality
what does it mean?
It is time threatened.
Is it cut short?
What could it be?
Could it be more?

It feels good, but is it right?